When Co-Parenting Feels One-Sided: A Guide for Moms Holding It All Together

Mar 26

If you’re feeling like co-parenting is a job you’re doing solo—even though it’s supposed to be shared—you’re not alone.

For many moms, the emotional weight of post-divorce parenting can feel crushing. You’re juggling the logistics, the transitions, the school emails, the emotional regulation, and somehow—your own healing too. And when your co-parent isn’t showing up in the way your children deserve (or not showing up at all), it can feel like the full responsibility of their well-being rests squarely on your shoulders.

Here’s the truth: You’re not failing. You’re carrying more than anyone can see.

You’re Not Failing—You’re Carrying Too Much

When things start to unravel, it’s easy to question yourself. Maybe you snapped during a pickup. Maybe you missed a school event because you were working overtime to cover everything. Maybe you cried in the car (again).

That doesn’t make you a bad mom.

It makes you human. And it means you’re doing your best under incredibly hard circumstances.

There’s no gold star for doing it all without breaking down. You’re allowed to need rest, space, and support.

You Don’t Have to Fix Your Ex (Even if It Feels Like You Should)

Here’s the frustrating truth: You can’t control what your co-parent says, does, or refuses to do. And while it’s tempting to think, "If they would just cooperate, everything would be better," placing your peace in their hands only creates more stress.

Instead, shift the focus to what you can influence: your energy, your communication style, and your environment at home.

You can’t change them.

But you can create calm.

You can lead with clarity.

You can build a home where your children feel safe and loved—no matter what’s happening on the other side.

Anchoring Your Kids Through Routine, Not Perfection

You might not be able to align every rule or routine between households, but what happens in your home matters deeply.

Kids don’t need rigid structure or a perfect plan. They need rhythm. Familiarity. Touchpoints that help them feel steady. That could be a:

Consistent bedtime ritual
Check-in chat after school
Weekly tradition like Friday night pizza or Sunday morning pancakes

These aren’t just routines. They’re anchors. They tell your child: This is your safe space. I’m here. We’re okay.

Tending to Yourself Without Guilt

I know—this feels impossible some days.

But the truth is, your nervous system is the thermostat of your home. If you’re fried, your kids can feel it. If you’re running on empty, everything starts to unravel faster.

Self-care doesn’t have to mean long baths and spa days. It might be 10 minutes of quiet after school drop-off. A walk. A phone call with someone who truly sees you.

You’re not selfish for needing rest.

You’re strategic.

When you tend to your well-being, you show up with more patience, presence, and peace.

One Steady Moment at a Time: Why Presence > Perfection

Let go of the pressure to get it all "right."

What your child remembers won’t be the perfectly packed lunch or the exact custody schedule. They’ll remember how it felt when you sat on the floor and played with them. The way you looked in their eyes when they told you about their day. The safety of your hug after a hard drop-off.

You don’t have to be perfect.

You just have to be present.

If this season feels heavy, please know this: you’re not doing it wrong. You’re navigating something hard, and still showing up with love.

That matters.

If you’re looking for more support, browse the other blog posts on this site. You might find exactly the reminder, tool, or perspective you need to keep going.

You don’t have to carry it all alone.