How to Successfully Create ‘Team Kids’ With Your Co-parent
If you ask any parent currently going through a separation or divorce what their top concern is, most have the same answer – their kids. Just because you and your partner are no longer a couple doesn’t change the fact that your kids will always be your #1 priority.
While many co-parents do start off on the same page, it’s easy to lose sight of the real needs of your kids. This happens either when new co-parents are unaware of the potential challenges ahead (which is no fault of their own) or when expectations (whatever they might be) aren’t met.
This is why effective co-parenting and being on “team kids” is so important. You and your co-parent have the power to fully support your kid’s emotional and psychological health during and after your divorce. Let’s talk about how to build a successful “team kids” and a few tools to help you and your co-parent.
What does “team kids” mean?
Being on “team kids” means you and your co-parent ensure your kids continue to feel supported, loved, and secure – no matter how challenging things get. It’s a business-like relationship you create with your ex-partner to always put your kids' needs at the forefront of whatever is going on in your lives.
If two co-parents are asked the same questions separately about what they want for their kids and their future, there’s usually a lot of overlap. There’s no denying that both parents generally want the same thing for their kids. But during a challenging time like a divorce, it may be hard for co-parents to effectively communicate at all – let alone about their kids.
The good news is that there are several ways co-parents can work together to create a united front for their “team kids”:
✨ Shield kids from conflict
✨ Support their emotional needs
✨ Collaborate on decision making
✨ Focus on the long-term
Let’s look at the importance of each of these points to create a stable “team kids” environment for your family.
Shield Your Kids From Conflict
It takes two amazingly supportive and loving parents to join fronts and be on the same page for the sake of their kids. This includes keeping your kids out of disagreements between you and your co-parent. All research indicates that a child’s exposure to conflict between parents (married or not) indicates future challenges emotionally, academically, and behaviorally.
Being on “team kids” means keeping adult problems away from them, avoiding negative talk about the other parent, and ensuring they never feel pressured to take sides.
A child’s exposure to conflict between parents is the number one indicator of resilience. While this includes the obvious blowout fights you would think of, it also includes a kid’s perception of tension between parents. They can see/feel things such as energy and body language between their parents.
Support Your Kids Emotional Needs
Emotions between co-parents and children during a separation or divorce are bound to run high. It’s important to recognize that your kids may experience a wide range of emotions during this time. Some common emotions your kids may feel during this time are:
✨ Sadness
✨ Anger
✨ Confusion
✨ Guilt
✨ Fear and Anxiety
Part of being on “team kids” means always being available to them – to listen, offer comfort, and provide them with professional support if needed. Kids process their emotions differently than adults. Their range of emotions can also vary based on their age, personality, and the circumstances around your divorce.
Collaborate on Decision Making
Co-parenting during and after divorce means your kids will be living in different households and sharing time with each parent. By creating a unified front, you and your co-parent show your kids that you work as a team and make decisions together. It also reinforces that you and your co-parent support each other cross household.
This means you and your co-parent agree upon the same rules to enforce, no matter which house the kids are in. It also means you support each other if a rule is broken. For example, if 13-year-old Max refuses to put down the phone at Mom’s, she can call in support from Dad and vice versa.
By working together to find solutions, your kids will see that you and your co-parent are on “team kids,” and it reinforces that you both are committed to their well-being.
Focus on Your Kids Long-Term
It’s important to remember that being on “team kids” isn’t just about the immediate situation. The actions and decisions with your co-parent now will influence your kids for years to come.
Research has found that young adults from families that were unified, organized, and had little conflict were less likely to be in a relationship with violence or poor problem-solving. It also concluded that adolescents who grew up in positive family climates with effective parenting were more likely to have healthy romantic relationships as young adults.1
Being on “team kids” means you and your co-parent realize the process of your divorce isn’t just about getting your kids through a tough time right now. It’s about setting them up for a happy, healthy future – long after the divorce is finalized.
Team Kids for the Win
It is possible to amicably divorce while co-parenting positively and effectively. The most important part? Ensuring you and your co-parent are both on “team kids.”
When you know this is something you have to do for the sake of your children, it’s not that big of a leap – even if you and your co-parent aren’t besties anymore.
Kids need their parents to be a unit. A team for them. By working together to help and protect your kids from all the “what-ifs” of divorce, you’re giving them an environment to thrive – now and in the future.
Resource:
Early family experience affects later romantic relationships. National Institutes of Health. 2018.
Have the confidence you’re doing what’s best for your family through child-centered co-parenting.
Book your free consult today to see how I can help you and your family thrive before, during and beyond divorce.
Have the confidence you’re doing what’s best for your family through child-centered co-parenting.
Book your free consult today to see how I can help you and your family thrive before, during and beyond divorce.
Have the confidence you’re doing what’s best for your family through child-centered co-parenting.
Book your free consult today to see how I can help you and your family thrive before, during and beyond divorce.