Navigating Structure and Stability Between Homes During a Divorce
Divorce is a challenge for many families. It’s a time filled with heightened emotions and lots of changes, including living arrangements. With so many changes happening all at once, it can also be a scary time – especially for kids.
When it comes time for your kids to change homes between you and your co-parent, it’s critical they feel comfortable and safe in both homes. It’s not just about TVs and video games or what posters to hang on the wall in their bedrooms. It’s about making the kids feel like both parents are taking care of their needs.
You and your co-parent can work on many practical strategies together or with the help of a divorce coach or co-parenting specialist.
It’s crucial for you and your co-parent to genuinely understand the importance of structure and stability and continue to make your kids your #1 priority – no matter what stage of the divorce process you’re in.
The Importance of Structure and Stability
While it’s good for kids to learn to be flexible, adjusting to too many circumstances at once – like during a divorce – can be very difficult. Kids tend to feel safer and more secure when they know what to expect next.1
Here are some key factors to navigate structure and stability for your kids between homes:
🌟 Establish consistent routines
🌟 Handle transitions between homes smoothly
🌟 Create a sense of security in both homes
When children have the love and support they need, they have a remarkable ability to heal – which is something you and your co-parent have complete control over. With your actions, words, and consistency, you can reassure your kids of your ability to remain a family.
Establish Consistent Routines
Even if you’re no longer besties with your ex, it’s important to sit down and figure out a routine that will work best for your kids. Establishing consistent routines doesn’t mean you and your co-parent need to keep rigid schedules that are exactly the same.
It means keeping the flow of the day similar and always communicating with your kids. For example, dinner is followed by homework and then a bath before bedtime. This will provide your kids with a sense of calm and stability because they’ll know what to expect next.
Remember that not every day goes exactly as planned – and that’s okay. Just continue to communicate with your kids about any changes to help them feel comfortable and secure.
Handle Transitions Between Homes Smoothly
When it’s time for your kids to transition to your co-parent’s home, there are several things you can do to make the process a smooth one. Using visual aids, such as a calendar, is a great way for your kids to see exactly whose home they can expect to be at and when.
Establishing the same time of day when you schedule drop-off is another way to ensure they know what to expect and eliminate any stress for them. It’s also important to stay positive and cooperate with your co-parent during drop-offs and pick-ups.
Kids can easily pick up on parents’ emotions and conflicts. Be sure to avoid arguing or discussing sensitive issues in front of your kids. Keeping your interactions peaceful and friendly will help your kids feel more comfortable switching homes.
Another helpful tip to make transitions between homes smoother is to keep items – like clothing, toys, and toiletry items – at both homes. This will eliminate the need for packing up excessive amounts of “stuff” every few days – which will also cut down on your stress as a parent.
Create a Sense of Security in Both Homes
With the many changes happening in your kid's lives, you and your co-parent need to be on “team kids” and create a sense of security for them in both homes.
Here are some ideas to make your kids always feel secure in your home:
🌟 Create a familiar environment – Allow your kids to have their own bedrooms or a designated space to keep their toys and familiar items.
🌟 Plan special activities – When your kids arrive, do a special (non-elaborate) activity with them, such as bake cookies, create a scavenger hunt, watch a movie, read a book, or play a game.
🌟 Ensure they have comfort items – This means more than just necessities. You can buy other items like their favorite small toys or treats to make them feel special and welcome.
It’s always best to communicate openly with your kids in an age-appropriate way. In addition to the ideas mentioned above, be sure to talk to your kids so you know they feel comfortable and secure in your home.
Supporting Structure and Stability for Your Kids
Therapists who work with divorced families know the experience kids have moving back and forth between their parent's homes can vary greatly. One of the main factors in a kid’s experience is the overall level of conflict or cooperation between parents.2 You and your co-parent can work through this on your own or with the help of a co-parenting specialist.
By establishing consistent routines, handling transitions between homes smoothly, and creating a sense of security in both homes, you and your co-parent can make your kids' experience as stress-free as possible.
The goal is to put your kids first – no matter what. Providing them with a structured and stable environment where they feel loved and supported will help ensure your kids continue to thrive during and after your divorce.
Have the confidence you’re doing what’s best for your family through child-centered co-parenting.
Book your free consult today to see how I can help you and your family thrive before, during and beyond divorce.
Have the confidence you’re doing what’s best for your family through
Have the confidence you’re doing what’s best for your family through child-centered co-parenting.
Book your free consult today to see how I can help you and your family thrive before, during and beyond divorce.