Why Strong Relationships With Both Parents Matter

Sep 9

When it comes to raising happy and well-adjusted kids, few things are more important than a strong relationship with both parents. Whether the parents live together or in separate homes, the bond that each kid shares with their parent plays a critical role in their development – both emotionally and psychologically.1

Kids look to their parents to feel safe, secure, and supported. Ideally, they need a solid relationship with both of their parents to feel these things. Kids idolize their parents and identify 50% with each of them. When kids have a strong foundation with their parents, it sets them up to be strong, resilient humans.

It’s natural for relationships to become strained during and after a divorce. Your kids may have strong feelings of uncertainty and fear. That’s why it’s so important for both parents to play an active role in their kids’ lives to keep their relationship strong.

Even during a challenging time like a divorce, it is possible to stay connected and nurture your kids' relationships. Let’s find out how.

Understanding Parental Influence

Young kids often idolize their parents. They may copy how Dad eats or want to wear Mom’s makeup. Kids think their parents are capable of anything and want to be just like them. With that much influence, when a kid sees their parent's divorce, they can perceive love as conditional and able to end.

Divorce is not only unsettling for kids, but they may also begin thinking, “If Mom can stop loving Dad, she can stop loving me, too.” This fear can be the same in their relationship with the other parent as well.

When parents divorce, there is often conflict and disagreements around things related to the kids. Kids become aware of the conflict whenever a parent says anything less than positive about the other parent or indicates there’s something wrong because of that parent. This can cause kids to begin to see themselves as the problem – and the reason why their parents fight.

It stresses kids out when their parents fight or sit on opposite sides of the gym during a school event. That’s why it’s crucial both you and your ex have a co-parenting plan in place and remain on team kids.

Creating a Strong Partnership With Your Co-parent

Even if you’re no longer besties with your ex, creating a civil partnership is most important for your kids. Divorce is a redefining of the relationship between parents. Kids need parents who present a unified front, support each other’s choices, and respect each other’s opinions.

Kids will have good relationships with both Mom and Dad and thrive in an environment where their parents get along – even if they’re not married.

It’s most beneficial for your kids if you and your co-parent have a plan in place before you talk to them about the divorce. This is important because when kids hear their parents are getting divorced, it scares them. They will likely have a lot of concerns about what this new life will look like – and how it will change their lives.

Kids want to know they’ll be taken care of and need structure in both homes. Having a plan in place with your co-parent first is helpful so you can let your kids know what is going to be different for them and what life will look like (as much as possible).

Benefits of Kids Having a Relationship With Both Parents

Your marriage may be over, but remaining a family will stay the same. Putting your kids' needs before your own should always be a top priority. Successful co-parenting means separating your personal relationship with your ex from your co-parenting relationship. Approaching co-parenting with a business mindset is also helpful.

Your kids have many benefits when you and your co-parent have a cooperative relationship. Here are just a few of them:

✨ Consistent schedules – co-parent with similar rules and structure, so kids know what to expect in both homes

✨ Understand problem-solving – kids who watch their co-parents get along are more likely to solve problems on their own effectively

✨ Feel secure – when kids know both parents love them equally, they adjust more quickly and easily

✨ Experience less mental and emotional trouble – kids who are exposed to constant conflict between co-parents are more likely to develop depression, anxiety, or ADHD2

Having a positive and cooperative co-parenting relationship isn’t just about making things easier for you and your ex – it’s about creating the best possible environment for your kids to be healthy and thrive.

Practical Steps for Parents

Keeping a strong relationship with your kids during and after divorce starts before you tell them what’s happening. You and your co-parent can devise a plan to answer any potential questions your kids may have.

Where will they live? What will their life look like? Who will they spend weekends with?

If you’re unsure where to start, consult a co-parenting specialist and divorce coach. With their help, you can create a child-centered co-parenting plan that keeps your family whole.

When you and your co-parent team up to protect your kids from all the possible what-ifs caused by the divorce, you graciously avoid high conflict. Meaning you both agree on what’s best for your kids.

If your kids see you and your co-parent getting along and being on the same team, they’ll feel safe, secure, and loved. They’ll also maintain a sense of normalcy and continue to benefit from having a strong relationship with both parents.